Chronic loneliness occurs when feelings of loneliness and uncomfortable social isolation go on for a long period of time. It’s characterized by constant and unrelenting feelings of being alone, separated or divided from others, and an inability to connect on a deeper level. Loneliness is the state of distress or discomfort that results when one perceives a gap between one’s desires for social connection and actual experiences of it.
Have you ever felt all alone in the world? We all do sometimes and it isn't easy. When you're going through a difficult time and feel there's no one to turn to for support, it's hard to know what to do. But those who are feeling isolated or alone should know there are always people who care about their wellbeing.
Learning how to address your feeling of loneliness can also be a step in helping you address other mental health issues that you may be facing. The United States is facing a big problem with isolation, loneliness, and related challenges. One study found that out of young people in the United States, 25% don’t have any friends they confide in. This is a problem that needs to be addressed to help the mental health of the country.
Humans are social creatures by nature. You long to connect with others and you want to be loved. It's normal to want to have someone you can love in return. Learning how to cope with loneliness isn't simple, but there's much you can do to regain that feeling of value and belonging. There are effective ways you can deal with loneliness, and professional help is available if you're in need. This article will cover tools to cope with, and move past, loneliness.
First, it's important to note that even if you feel lonely right now, you're not alone. Millions of people are going through similar struggles. It's estimated that over 40% of all people will experience loneliness at some point in their lives. Even those who appear connected and popular can feel isolated from others.
Many people successfully overcome feelings of loneliness through therapy, and those who have signed up for online therapy at BetterHelp find it a valuable resource for combating loneliness. These therapy sessions help people change the way they look at the world, and open up to new possibilities. Some may also benefit from antidepressants prescribed by a doctor to treat associated depression issues. Regardless of whether or not you're a good candidate for medication, or what mode of therapy works best for you, it's important to seek treatment when you're feeling down. You're not alone in this fight.
Below we're suggesting seven methods for dealing with loneliness, all of which will be helpful in their own ways. Consider which methods might be most useful to you.
1. Accept That Loneliness Is Normal. Just knowing that others around the globe are experiencing the same feelings of loneliness can be helpful. As mentioned earlier, 40% of people will experience loneliness at some point in time. That number may seem high-after all, the internet and social networking makes it easier than ever to connect. But loneliness is subjective. It's possible to feel lonely even if you have a significant other, children, or lots of friends.
So if you're looking for an answer on how to cure loneliness in your own life, just realize there are millions of others feeling the same way. This normal emotion is one that almost everyone experiences at some point, and it's something that you can overcome.
2. Recognize the Effects of Loneliness So You Can Combat Them. Loneliness can be felt. Studies show that being lonely can make you feel colder than those around you, can increase cholesterol and blood pressure, and can even stop your immune system from functioning properly. Loneliness can also disrupt your sleep. Because loneliness puts your body on 'high alert,' it can make you more prone to sleep problems. Insomnia and lack of true rest can both be a result of loneliness. Loneliness leads to self-destructive habits. Drug abuse, gambling habits, and other self-destructive actions have all been linked to loneliness. Finding a cure for loneliness can prevent these habits from developing in the first place. It can also be important for addressing suicide prevention. If you’re struggling with thoughts of suicide, contact a national helpline like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.
Lastly, loneliness can affect your mental health. As it increases, so does depression. One of the main signs of depression is no longer wanting to do things you used to enjoy, including spending time with your friends. If you think your feelings of loneliness may be a small part of a more bigger problem, you should consider seeking help from someone who specializes in treating loneliness as a mental health professional.
3. Seek Professional Help. Meeting with a mental health professional is one of the most helpful steps you can take if you're trying to overcome loneliness and the underlying issues that may lead to it. A therapist can help you explore the factors behind your feelings. Other issues surrounding your loneliness can be addressed as well. For example, if you've recently lost a family member or close friend, you may be experiencing both loneliness and grief. Having an experienced professional to support you through the healing process can make all the difference.
Source: pexels.com
Sometimes, you might even feel lonely due to your location. Military members who are deployed or spouses who are separated from family and friends often experience a sense of loneliness that seems unsolvable. You may struggle with meeting new people. If you are in an area where you have few resources, mental health or otherwise, seeking professional help might seem impossible. It can be the same for those suffering from depression. In situations like this, a program like BetterHelp can be beneficial. BetterHelp is unique because counseling takes place through an online platform that you can access from any place you feel comfortable. And many people find the BetterHelp program a lot more convenient and affordable than in-person counseling.
4. Nurture Existing Relationships. Loneliness can make us pull away from our relationships, even when we desire them the most. By nurturing the relationships you already have, you can put yourself on a path to overcoming loneliness. When the people you once loved or connected with feel distant, it can be hard to take the first step towards fortifying those bonds. Here are some ideas for connecting again:
5. Practice Positive Self-Talk. You might be asking what getting rid of negative self-talk has to do with loneliness, but the two go hand-in-hand. When you're feeling lonely, and you start to think something like 'Ugh, I hate my life, no one wants to spend time with me,' you're adding to your loneliness. Now you're not only missing social connections but also taking a beating to your self-esteem.
Make an effort to catch these thoughts and replace them with a positive message instead. The process of positive self-talk takes practice, but it can be part of a simple cure for loneliness. If you decide to seek out online therapy, then you'll learn all about these positive self-talk techniques. It's a good way to combat negative feelings and it can significantly improve your life.
6. Find a Hobby. Boredom adds weight to loneliness. If you're already struggling with feelings of loneliness or social isolation, the cure isn't watching Netflix by yourself every night. Instead, find something to occupy your time. Make sure that what you choose has some social aspect to it. Taking pictures in the park and joining a gardening group through Meetup are both good options. Doing a jigsaw puzzle alone in your apartment, not so much. Take some time to explore hobby options and then get out there. The 'getting out there' part is usually the hardest.
Hobbies that you do by yourself can still be fun, but try to get yourself out more. You might love watching movies or playing video games alone, but sometimes this isn't going to be the right answer. Do your best to pick out some fun new hobbies that will place you in social situations. It could wind up being the push that you need to improve your social life and it can be a cure for loneliness.
Source: pexels.com
Joanne Roe is 81 years old and has lived in the same three-bedroom house in Southern California for 60 years. The house is where she and her late husband, Kenneth, raised nine children. Roe fondly remembers stepping over futons and mattresses to get to the front door and being a part of lively dinners filled with conversation and camaraderie.
“We would have discussions about how they were doing in school and their friends,” she recalls.
Today, the only conversations Joanne hears are between detectives Briscoe and Curtis. “I’m a Law and Order junkie,” she says. “I’ve got the TV on 24/7. I can tell you what the next comment is going to be out of somebody’s mouth, I’ve seen the episodes so many times.”
Roe suffers from an array of physical ailments, including neuropathy in her left foot and chronic back pain. Though she does light housework and cooks for herself, she’s been largely sedentary since she had a stroke three years ago. All day, every day, she sits in her brown easy chair, listening to the fictional detectives, judges, and public defenders while she pores over adult coloring books.
“I get up. Take my pills. Have my breakfast. Sit in my recliner 90 percent of the day coloring,” she says.
“My life is inside four walls.”
Roe may be alone inside those four walls, but when it comes to the painstaking loneliness she confronts on a daily basis, she has plenty of company. What’s more, a growing number of health care providers and delivery systems have begun to understand such loneliness as more than an abstract idea; rather, it is a condition with an undeniable negative effect on health.
A groundbreaking study in the July 2012 issue of the Archives of Internal Medicine found that 43 percent of older adult participants reported feelings of loneliness. That study further indicated that people 60 years and older who reported struggling with loneliness faced an increased risk of mortality compared with participants who do not report being lonely (22.8 percent versus 14.2 percent).
Since then, research conducted among Medicare and Medicaid patients served by CareMore Health, the organization in which I work, has bolstered the idea that loneliness can negatively affect one’s health. Our internal research shows that lonely patients are less likely to take their medications or show up for appointments—behaviors that usually result in chronic conditions going untreated and worsening over time. Similarly, a research perspective published in the Oxford Research Encyclopedias in 2017 by a behavioral medicine researcher at St. George’s, University of London, concluded that people who feel lonely are more likely to suffer from coronary artery disease, declines in motor function, frailty, and other physical and cognitive function conditions.
The increase in loneliness and its attendant health risks has not gone unnoticed in nonmedical sectors. Writing in the Harvard Business Review in 2017 on work and loneliness, physician and former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy noted, “During my years caring for patients, the most common pathology I saw was not heart disease or diabetes; it was loneliness.” Noting that rates of loneliness in the United States have doubled since the 1980s, Murthy called the condition “a growing health epidemic” and pointed to research showing that “loneliness and weak social connections are associated with a reduction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day and even greater than that associated with obesity.”
Given that the deleterious effects of loneliness are being recognized and identified, what is to be done? I don’t know of any physician who can write out a prescription for friendship. Moreover, the root causes of loneliness often are cultural in nature. In Roe’s situation, her children are scattered in communities around the country.
“I don’t have a circle of friends because Ken and my work were my life,” she explains matter-of-factly. “We didn’t need anybody except each other.”
Several new initiatives, however, suggest paths that can help patients like Roe become less lonely while improving their health. In 2017, CareMore Health appointed a chief togetherness officer to oversee our efforts to address loneliness and isolation among the senior population that we treat. An initiative we launched, the Togetherness Program, assessed our patient base of more than 80,000 patients and identified 2,000 lonely seniors—more than 700 of whom elected to participate in the program and are enrolled in an intensive intervention that includes weekly phone calls, home visits, encouragement, and connection to community-based programs.
For example, twice a week Roe gets a call from a volunteer with the program. Those calls, says Roe, are the high point of her days. “You don’t know how that feels unless you’ve been alone without anyone to talk to, she says. “And then you have somebody that doesn’t know you from Adam call and make you feel like you’re important. It just brings joy. It makes me feel that I have a friend.”
The value of such initiatives was further underscored when, after a 2017 report showed that more than nine million people in Britain often or always feel lonely, Prime Minister Theresa May appointed that country’s first Minister for Loneliness who is tasked with developing programs to increase social connectedness among the country’s people. In June of this year, the May government announced £20 million in funding to help isolated people and those suffering from loneliness. Much of those funds will go toward community programs like Shared Lives, a home-sharing program that matches pensioners struggling with loneliness with young people needing somewhere to live, and Men’s Sheds, communal spots where retirees and unemployed men can come together to socialize and participate in activities like woodworking and electronics repair.
Back in Southern California, if you ask Roe about her health, she’ll tell you, “I’m basically in good health. I don’t have any serious medical problems.” A newcomer looking at her chart might disagree. But she says that despite the back pain, the neuropathy, the bladder infection, the creaking knees, and the carpal tunnel in her left hand, the twice-weekly calls she receives from the CareMore Health volunteer “picks up my mood and makes me happy. And when you’re happy, you’re not bawling your eyes out.”
Sometimes, as clinicians, we’re baffled by a patient’s symptoms. Yet, Roe’s words remind us that those of us in the health care community not only should treat loneliness as a clinical condition, we must.
Sachin H. Jain, MD ’06, is an adjunct professor of medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine and president and CEO of the CareMore Health System, a health care delivery organization.